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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?